this past weekend, in my quarantine hotel room in taipei, i lay in bed crying and watched youtube videos on how to cope with depression. fuck, i thought. one doctor said i have anorexia, another said i have anxiety, another prescribed me with daily 10mg prozac on the off chance the anxiety got worse and/or was also mild depression, but honestly i think it's been kind of useless because up until now, it seems only to be inebriating me with vivid, bloody dreams where i'm either
last week was National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. it was also book club week. the spotlight was on Beth Macy’s Dopesick and the nightmarish, all-consuming reality that is America’s opioid crisis. it was also relapse week. the spotlight was on me and my anorexia. on my own nightmarish, all-consuming reality because ironically and incidentally, this past week kicked off my worst bout of anxiety-induced starvation yet since coming out of the ED version of AA/NA just under a
Dear Amy, This semester, people used the word “refreshing” to describe you in ten conversations. What did they mean, exactly? Why does it matter so much that you counted? “Now that is a most interesting question: whatever became of me?”
– Truman Capote, Other Voices, Other Rooms Conversation One Is “refreshing”
The cloak of cool air that follows a hot shower?
The smell of grass and wet concrete after rain?
Your favorite song, or
A soft pillow?
The lotion on your hands, or